Headtorch Horrors

Upon deciding I need to run with the club lots next year came the realisation that either a) some of those runs will need to be in the dark, or b) I'll have to run more often during the lighter summer nights. And herein is a dilemma for me: I've never run in the dark before, well never off road anyway. I've barely done any hill walking at night - the views after all are a large part of why I walk or run so darkness makes that a somewhat pointless exercise.

Now I'm a fully paid up member of the Glossopdale Harriers I was a little excited by the prospect of a winter solstice run. So my hopes were that there might be a large turn out - I donned running gear and set off with Tim to join the head torch gang. My plan B was to do a little solo night navigation/off road running by head torch to see how I got on with it. Secretly I had hoped for a few members to take me under their wing and do a short but equally enjoyable easy night run. It wasn't to be. The 10 club members consisted of most of the fast guys....no way was I going to keep up with them so plan B it was to be for me.

The guys (I was the only lass that had turned out) headed up to Kinder Downfall via Kinder low end and were then descending somewhere west of the fall to the reservoir. For me, I took a steady run up the track to the reservoir and then turned left to the white cabin. Nothing too far - no need to be ambitious on my first dark run. I had darkness and navigation to deal with, so my aim was to break myself in gently.

The gate at the bottom of the cobbles was held open by a Pennine runner...most kind, thank you sir....I think he thought I was one of their stragglers, though stating my name didn't bring any recognition....just thanks from him that I'd given him a reason to have a pause from running.

At the top of the cobbles I got the map out....heading to the cabin was a new route for me and although easy in daytime I wanted to ensure I was on the right path. My map was an a4 photocopy which also added to the challenge - all black and white didn't help easy recognition of features so more time was spent ensuring I had the right black line and the wall I was following was the wall on the map, if you get my meaning. Note to self....take the full colour map next time!

Before heading up the hill I turned my light out and looked east....not much moonlight, cloud base above Kinder Scout, features easily recognised and yep, that's the guys over there I can see, about 8 or 9 lights bobbing up and down. They're making great progress along the edge towards Red Brook.

Returning to my run I follow the path upwards and diagonally across the slope....I'm now totally alone....and in total darkness apart from the beam from my head torch. It was quite mesmerising and surreal. My only night running prior to this run has been on road, without a torch on well (or fairly well) lit roads. This was a totally new experience. When I say run, what I mean is walk. The path was a fairly boggy, leaf sodden path  mixed in with plenty of ankle twisting rocks. I have no idea how anyone can run on this stuff. OK so it's uphill, and I'd more than likely be walking anyway...but run, no way. My body and head resist.

At the same time as my physical struggle I have an inwardly building psychological battle happening. I'm a good distance from the nearest dwelling. I have no real or logical concerns that a malicious person is about to jump out on me and harm me. Yet at the same time I have a nervousness growing that isn't settling. Now I'm really laying my heart out there for you all. I'm sure I can't be the only person who has some reservations about being out there, alone, in the darkness. It is all encompassing. It is totally irrational and I know that. Yet this inner voice plays cruel tricks on me. I fight it, it fights back, I refuse to give in.

I push myself to go on. Push myself to climb higher and further away from the 'saftey' of the car park at Bowden Bridge. I just have to get to the cabin. That's where I said I was going and that's where I shall go.

I work out the confusion of paths and look in the direction of the cabin, and sure enough, there it is about 200ft from where I'm standing. It's here that the voice inside my head which is saying irrational things takes hold and I chicken out completely from walking the final bit up to the cabin....I turn down hill, check the map so the confusion of paths is clear for the return leg and retreat downwards. A strange relief comes over me when I reach the familiar path and cobbles. I pause and ponder whether to head uphill instead of back to the car, knowing the lads will be at least 30-45mins behind me, and knowing what will turn out to be about 4km won't be long enough. Nope, I can't face another heebie-jeebie moment so it's down for me.

Back at the car I'm annoyed and disappointed I haven't done a better run, though realistically I can't figure out how I could have run any more in the dark...head torch beam bobbing, unstable ground underfoot and my lack of experience off road don't add up to a good combination. I need to build up to night running gradually. I know I'll have ages to wait if I just stop now so I run down the road towards Hayfield, back to the car, and then up the other lane for a bit and then settle in to wait for the others to get off the hill.

I've about 30 minutes to wait in the end....plenty of time to ponder my efforts and work out a strategy for how to throw the demons out of my head. I reduce it down to a couple of things...start short, start on familiar ground, and start with a bit of company. I've already lined up the latter so the first two will be easily dealt with. That said, if anyone has any tips on how to run in the dark I'd be most grateful. Essentially I guess it just boils down to experience and more time on the hill.