However, the voice in my head always screamed "you can't sing, you sing out of tune, you sound ridiculous"....so I carried on as usual, restraining my voice to singing along to tunes in the shower, around the house or in the car - all mostly when alone, or maybe if I felt brave when Tim was there. But, all the while with that silly internal voice knocking me down and ridiculing me.
I've been working on my own selfcare in the last year or so with more vigour. In this instance, positive self-talk and pushing myself out of my comfort zone were going to take a massive step forwards. After all, nothing changes if nothing changes (a phrase I keep saying to myself). I don't want to look back in 10 years time and still be having the same self-limited conversations in my head, 'wishing' I could sing.
In my own ideal-secret-world in my head I told myself one day I'd have singing lessons and then I'd get better and maybe one day I'd be able to sing in public, or maybe just join in a bit more enthusiastically at a carol service without trying to hide. But I decided joining a choir that sounded welcoming might do the trick...and I got brave. Very brave. I decided I'd have a go, and in mid-May I went along to the League of Ladies WI choir for the first time.
I was so nervous. But I didn't need to be. With my mate right next to me I sat down and became the newest member of the choir. I haven't looked back. The LOL WI Choir is a no-audition choir. You just turn up, join in and have a sing. And it is Great!
What have I achieved since last May? Well, I now sing with confidence. I'm told I don't sing out of tune. I don't always get the words right. I mostly get them right. I mostly come in at the right time, but not always. When this happens I just laugh because I'm human and make mistakes - being kind and gentle on myself is also part of my selfcare promise to myself.I've sung at five performances in public now with the choir. It really isn't all that scary and the last performance we did in Glossop I was really looking forward to it. As part of the choir we're a team, there's no focus on just one person - we sing as a group, we all contribute. During practice we have a good time - we laugh a lot and have a load of fun. And I'm learning so much about myself - that I can do more than I often believe, and that I should push myself out of the comfort zone more often because blinking eck, I might just enjoy myself and discover a new thing that I love.
I've made new friends, grown in confidence, and challenged myself with a great result.
Motto of the blog: give something a go....you might just find something you're passionate about and all those fears you imagined are just a silly voice in your head.
